9.30am Sunday 22 February 2004
Rev Des Botting
Readings: Luke 20:1-19; 1 Peter 2:4-10
I had one of my most embarrassing moments last Wednesday. Id mentioned to someone earlier in the week that I was thinking of preaching this Sunday on How to Respond to Criticism. They told me about the new Television series, NZ Idol, and said it would be a good example of that. As we dont have television, they loaned me a video of one of the programmes. I was planning to study at the St Johns College library the next day where they have a television and video player with headphones, so I thought Id watch it while I was there to see if it would have anything that would be helpful for my sermon. The embarrassment was that it wasnt until the end of the programme that I discovered that the headphones werent plugged in. For about 40 minutes or so I had been sitting there with the headphones on blissfully unaware that it was being played for all in the Library to hear. The interesting thing was that nobody said a word, not even the library staff. Although a couple of people walked past with a slightly irritated look on their faces, I still didnt click to what was wrong. They probably wondered why this gray-haired fellow was listening to a programme like that in the library of a theological college. Maybe they didnt want to be critical, as I did at least have the headphones on. It goes to show how often I use such equipment. I can assure you I wont make that mistake again. Theyll be plugged in next time!
The embarrassment aside, in the programme itself it was interesting to see the different responses of the participants to criticism. The judges were very blunt, very straight, very critical, and with there being two thousand hopefuls in Auckland alone, and only a hundred from around the country getting through to the next round, there was going to be a lot of disappointed people. Here are some of their responses.
(Video Clip)
As you can see, some of the contestants took the criticism very well. Others, obviously, were very disappointed and upset.
What about you? How do you get on when people are critical of you? Do you get defensive, and uptight? Does it make you angry and want to respond in kind, or are you able to sift out whats worth listening to, and discard the rest?
Criticism isnt easy to handle, but its certainly something that every person in leadership has to face. It goes with the territory. George Bush, Tony Blair and Helen Clark come in for their fair share. Mel Gibson is being criticised for his new film, The Passion. Hes being accused of being anti-Jewish. People in Church work come in for criticism, too. It comes from those inside and outside the church. How you take it is a good test of your character. So its important to have some strategy in place to help you handle it well, because how you do this is very important for the witness of the church in the community, as well as simply for your own personal well-being.
One of the recent leadership tapes produced by the Willow Creek Association was devoted to this topic. It was entitled, Responding to your Critics, and had some very helpful, biblical suggestions on how to handle criticism constructively. It began by saying, If youre being criticized it probably means your doing something If you have a mission you believe in, if youre doing something with all your heart, if youre following the promptings of the Holy Spirit and being out on the edge of faith then youre probably going to do something that draws criticism.
At some time or other in life we all have to deal with a person whos really angry. So, for example, how do you respond to someone whos really fired up when they come to see you? How can you guide the conversation to the place where you can both talk reasonably? Often its important just to let the person air their grievance, even although it may be hard to take, and some of it maybe a bit over the top. Often after theyve been allowed to say their piece uninterrupted, they simmer down and its possible to sort things out in a calm and sensible manner. Other times its wiser to just walk away. The important thing is not to respond in kind. Its very difficult to continue an angry conversation if the other person replies in a calm and composed manner. Its as the Bible says, A kind answer soothes angry feelings, but harsh words stir them up.[1]
If the person is a Christian, another way to handle it is to remind them that the Bible says, Dont get so angry that you sin.[2] And to say, It would seem to me that this situation is getting very close to that. Youre putting me on the defensive and making unfounded accusations (because very often whats said in anger is exaggerated and full of false generalisations). Lets start again, lower the volume level and be more verbally disciplined as we talk, because Im not able to continue this conversation if youre shouting and undisciplined with your words. This wont work in every case, but in many situations it will. The person will calm down so that the issue can be dealt with in a constructive way. (Blank Screen)
At other times it may be necessary to say, We need to draw this to a close right here. Go home, settle down, and maybe ring me later, or put what you want to say on paper and send it to me. If, for instance, you are the person whos angry, then writing it down can be a very helpful thing to do. Then maybe leave it or a day or so, and if you still feel strongly about it, then go and see the person concerned.
What about when you have someone whos constantly criticizing you. Every time they speak to you they always have something negative to say. A way to approach this is, after they have criticized you two or three times, to say, Now Im going to invoke The Law of Ten Rule. You need to give encouragement 10 times before you come and criticize me for something. The weight of this is all wrong. Did I say or do anything right? If all youre going to do is point out the one or two little things that youre unhappy with, and youre never going to mention the other things that are good, this isnt going to be a healthy relating pattern. Im going to see you coming and Ill want to avoid you like the plague, because I know youre just coming with another problem. The Bible says, We should keep on encouraging one another, especially since you know that the day of the Lords coming is getting closer.[3] You have not encouraged me. When youve encouraged me a few times, then come back and criticize me, but hold your peace until you do.
Bill Hybels relates a time when he and a team from his church were holding a conference in Germany where they were facing constant criticism from the participants, many of them church leaders. It got so bad for the morale of the team that just before a tea break he got up and announced that he was invoking The Law of Ten Rule. No one was to say anything critical until they had at least ten positive things to say beforehand. During the break he sat on a seat outside to the complex to get some fresh air, when a chap stormed up to him, obviously angry, and just as he began to speak he remembered what had just been said. He stood for a moment, trying to think of something positive to say, then said, I like your shirt. I like your tie. I like your shoes. Oh, forget it! and walked off. The Law of Ten Rule is a helpful way to encourage a positive tone where we live, work and worship.
A further way of responding is to wait until theyve finished saying what they want to say, and then to respond with words like this: Thank you very much for bringing this concern to my attention. Ill prayerfully consider it, and I promise to do as the Spirit directs. Both Bill Hybels and Billy Graham have found this approach useful on numerous occasions. It shows that youve listened to them, that youll pray about it, and that youll respond as God leads you.
The Bible says, Warn troublemakers once or twice. Then dont have anything else to do with them.[4] Especially within the Church, we need to be careful not to allow a divisive or a factious person to systematically destroy the fellowship.
We need to realise that every one of us can make an important contribution to setting the tone of the environment in which we live, whether it is the church, our workplace, or our home. The question we need to ask is, how encouraging or critical do we want this environment to be?
Its appropriate that were considering this today, the Sunday of the Church Camp Agape Lunch, because the purpose of the lunch is to help foster loving relationships within the life of the church. Maybe one of the subjects you could discuss over lunch is, what can we do to make St Davids in the Fields a more encouraging and supportive environment to be in?
Theres so much more that could be said about how we can become an effective team in Gods purposes by sharing about the many different roles that a team needs to function well. It certainly helps when every member of the church knows where they fit into the team, and has an appreciation of the roles that others play as well. This kind of understanding can circumvent a lot of the criticism that is made within a church fellowship.
What I have done is to run off a few copies of a summary about team roles that a member of the family has prepared. Youre welcome to help yourself to a copy as you leave. (Blank Screen)
With my time almost gone, you may be asking another question: What has this to do with the passage we read from Luke this morning? It has a great deal to do with it, because these next two chapters in Luke show us how Jesus responded to his critics. We can learn from his example how we can handle criticism and critical people when they come into our lives. Let me share two brief thoughts in closing.
1. Jesus faced criticism throughout his ministry. But he never let it deter him from what hed come to do. He always put the concerns of Gods kingdom first, as he encourages us to do. When we have the confidence of knowing that we are where Gods wants us to be, and doing what He wants us to do, then we can push ahead to see Gods vision accomplished in spite of any criticism that may come our way.
2. There was never anything arrogant about the way Jesus handled his critics. As we see here in Luke, he always spoke as the Bible counsels us to do - Love should always make us tell the truth. Then we will grow in every way and be more like Christ [5] The truth may not always be welcomed by those to whom we speak, just as it was here with Jesus. But Jesus always spoke it, and spoke it in love. In both sections of this reading, the questioning of his authority and the story of the vineyard, Jesus confronts the religious and secular leaders of his day with the truth of who he is, and what lay ahead for them if the continued to pursue the path they were taking. They didnt like what he said. In fact, it horrified them to think that God would take their land away from them and give it to others. This is why they said, This must never happen![6] But they needed to know that Jesus was the One whom God had promised. He was the most important stone of all, the stone they were rejecting. And we need to know that, too, for he is the Truth, the only foundation upon which we can build our lives and our hopes and our dreams and stand secure. As we read in Peter, Come to Jesus Christ. He is the living stone that people have rejected, but which God has chosen and highly honoured.[7]
[1] Proverbs 15:1 (All Bible references are from the Contemporary English Version unless otherwise stated.)
[2] Ephesians 4:26
[3] Hebrews 10:25
[4] Titus 3:10
[5] Ephesians 4:15
[6] Luke 20:16
[7] 1 Peter