9.00 am and 10.30am, Sunday 9th May 2004
Rev Des Botting
Readings: John 13:31-35; Revelation 21:1-6
Today, being Mothers Day, we are going to focus on the family. Turn to the person beside you and ask them What is your definition of family? (ask for responses). How many of you define the family as Mum, Dad and the kids? A definition of the nuclear family is A heterosexual couple with biologically related children.
This is a very recent form of the family which developed as a result of the Industrial Revolution in the 18th Century. Before that the family was an economic unit where every member contributed to its well-being. But with the Industrial Revolution, there came separation between the private and public spheres of peoples lives. The father would go off to work and the mother would remain at home to care for the family.
Who are todays families? Todays families come in all shapes and forms:
Husband and wife families. There are several forms of this such as where both husband and wife work or where only the husband or the wife works, or unemployed families.
Single parent families, either a solo mum or solo dad, which is becoming increasingly common today.
Cohabiting families where couples for one reason or another choose not to marry, but live as a married family.
Blended families, which can be composed of children from other marriages and even stepchildren.
Transitional families, which happens to most families at some time or another, such as when the children become adults and leave home, or the family has had to move to another location.
Families with no children. This can be from choice and there are many couples who choose not to have children today, or it can be that the parents are not able to have children even though they would like to do so.
Some other ways of being family are:
Living in community which is a growing trend in many parts of the Western World, where families live in close proximity to each other, share at least one meal together each day and share appliances and equipment.
Same sex families, and there are moves afoot to have these legally recognised and able to adopt children.
Extended families where several generations are living under the same roof, which is quite common in a number of cultures around the world.
What was Jesus definition of family? Listen to how He defined family: Jesus said, Who is my mother and who are my brothers? Then he looked at the people sitting around him and said, Here are my mother and my brothers. Anyone who obeys God is my brother or sister or mother. (Mark 3:34-35) This, as you can see is quite a different concept of family to Mum, Dad and the kids, and it raises the question of what will families look like in heaven? Diana Garland in her book Family Ministry: A Comprehensive Guide offers this definition of family.
Family is composed of those who choose to be followers of Jesus Christ
and who are caregivers for one another - the family of faith.
When Diana Garland speaks of Family of Faith she is referring to how, in the church we can have faith uncles and aunties, faith brothers and sisters, faith grandparents and parents. Jack and Judith Balswick describe the Christian Church as a family to families and a family of families. So that the Church itself is to be like a family.
Jesus said But I am giving you a new command. You must love each other, just as I have loved you. If you love each other, everyone will know that you are my disciples. (John 13:34-35 CEV). And so, as Diana Garland says, Families are to be expressions of Christs love in society.
There is an African proverb which says, It takes a village to raise a child. This is very true, but ALL persons, both children and adults, need community. This is how God ordered it from the beginning of creation. God said, Now we will make humans, and they will be like us So God created humans to be like himself; he made them men and women. (Genesis 1:27). God made us to be like Himself, to live in community. We see this in the very nature of Gods being as Father, Son and Holy Spirit. God Himself is a community, a family.
There are three fruits that God wants the Church, as a Christian family, to demonstrate to the world.
1. LOVE God wants us to love one another. If we were to summarise Jesus teaching in one word, it would be the word love. A famous Argentinian teacher, Juan Carlos Ortiz, preached the same sermon on love for several weeks until his congregation began to complain and said, Dont you have any other sermons to preach. His reply was, When you put into practice what I have been preaching about, we can move onto another subject. Developing loving relationships is something we need to work on constantly. There is also a well-known story of the Apostle John, who when an old man was often invited to bring a word to a gathering, and every time he was asked to do this, his reply would always be, Little children, love one another. And when he was asked, Why do you tell us this time and time again? he replied, Because this is the essence of what God requires. To be a loving a community is to be counter-cultural, because in todays world it is Me - first where as to show love is putting others happiness before our own. So if the Church is really the loving community that God desires it to be, it becomes a transformation agent in the world where we live.
2. HOSPITALITY This was very important in Bible times and is stressed over and over throughout Scripture. It is making people feel welcome, accepted and at home amongst us. It is a way in which we can get to know one another better, especially new people. We should open our homes for meals together, because it is over a meal that relationship building is fostered.
3. FORGIVENESS / REPENTANCE Gods family is to be a community where forgiveness is freely given and received. But for forgiveness to be genuine, it also requires genuine repentance on the part of the person it has caused the hurt or committed the wrong. God wants us to forgive each other as He has forgiven us in Christ. An old Indian man was once talking to his grandson about finding it very difficult to forgive someone. He said, Its like two wolves fighting within me. His grandson asked him, Which wolf will win? to which the grandfather replied, The one I feed.
Recently a number of you filled in the Natural Church Development questionnaire. We now have the results from that and one of the areas of weakness in our churchs life is Loving Relationships. These are the questions that were asked about this characteristic of our Churchs life:
How often have you been invited by church members (not relatives) for dinner or coffee during the past two months?
How often have you invited church members (not relatives) for dinner or coffee during the past two months?
I find it easy to tell other Christians about my feelings.
In our church it is possible to talk with other people about feelings and problems.
There is a lot of joy and laughter in our church.
The atmosphere of our church is strongly influenced by praise and compliments.
When someone in our church does a good job, I tell them.
When someone in the church has a different opinion from me, I (do not) prefer to be silent rather than endanger peace.
To what extent do you practise the things that are asked for in these questions? We will find it easier to tell other Christians about our feelings and problems when we have developed a closer relationship with them. We need to be affirming and encouraging of one another and be willing to air our differences in love.
Remember what Jesus said, But I am giving you a new command. You must love each other, just as I have loved you. If you love each other, everyone will know that you are my disciples. (John 13:34-35). Jesus is saying here that this is a command, so it is not an optional extra, it is something that we MUST do. We are to love each other just as He loved us, which means that such love will have a sacrificial component. It is putting the concerns and interests of others before our own, and seeking their happiness.
Let me finish with a quote from Diana Garland that sums up the essence of what the Church can and should be:
Would that family ministry involved only helping prepare excited couples for marriage, providing toy and book libraries to support family life, setting up support groups where families can laugh and cry together, calling out the gifts of families as they seek to follow Christ by serving their community and world.
It is all of these things, of course, but it is also recognising that we live in a broken world. Tragedies and catastrophes strike families in our community and congregation, and sometimes the family itself visits tragedy on its members through violence and betrayal.
No matter how effective the church is in preparing people for family life, in supporting and nurturing and challenging families, congregations will still face these crises and tragedies in the lives of families.
In responding, however, the church has opportunity to communicate its support - both tangible and verbal - that our God is the One who redeems, who makes all things new. No matter what we or others have done or have had done to us, we cannot be separated from Gods love.
Diana Garland is quoting Romans 8:35 which says,
Nothing in all creation can separate us from Gods love for us in Christ